Football is like life: it has a playbook, and when it breaks down, people get hurt. Enjoy. The play begins thusly. We play the part of the quarterback, labeled here as O/S. The idea: to successfully pitch our way through an evening of socializing at a party in DC with the pitchman, our friend the lo...

[SCENE: KELLY AND TODD'S HOUSE. Game night. They have invited JIM and BOB over for a game the whole family can enjoy because Trivial Pursuit is only fun for smart people.] Bob: So, how does this work? Kelly: Okay, Bob and Jim. In the fun-for-everyone game of Cranium, the final round is decided by on...

…the man who will eventually be Auburn’s next head coach, Patrick Nix. He is undoubtedly one of the foremost minds in college football, and a young gem of a coach Auburn can lock up before he becomes to expensive and coveted to nab at bargain prices. He is an outstanding developer of qua...

We are ready for this Big East. Dear sirs, We write today on behalf of a major university with a reputation which was created over the years of hard work and academic excellence by those who sought to create it. We saw your advertisement in this article on your Big East conference, and it was no one...

When a teammate dies tragically in an accident, you mourn. You listen. You hold those around you close and share the unbearable pain of loss. You take one of the dead people’s credit card and use it to buy shit for six months. You get arrested for it when the parents notice their dead daughter...

Monday’s profile of Alabama athletic director Mal Moore listed online roleplaying games among his many hobbies and described him as a “tenth level Elf-Dragon”. Mr. Moore is actually an extremely accomplished paladin, and there is also no such thing as an Elf-Dragon. We regret the e...

Perhaps you recall the Oklahoma church deacon and pastor who grabbed the testicles of a Texas fan and nearly ripped them from his body. Or maybe you forgot intentionally, since it involved one man RIPPING OPEN ANOTHER MAN’S FUCKING SCROTUM. Well, he’s on trial. Fun details follow! When a...

We’re off to Vegas to cover the first weekend of the tournament for The Sporting News, and it promises to be Con Air awesome, minus the Nicholas Cage Skynrd locks. Follow our descent into madness–and really, the aim is to destroy this gig and never, ever let anyone come close to our rapi...

Bearded lunatic no more: we’re our own Mustache Wednesday today. Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!...