We can hardly believe it either (and don't worry: our precious pussy is still alive and well). Highs: We can only hope to age as well as these women. And that we'll be as ballsy as this one when we hit that age. We saw Keith Richards whip it out. Sort of. We had way too much fun with ...

  We're closing down shop a little early today because we've reached that point in the week when we can no longer put words together. Well, we reached it a few hours ago and realized, 'hey, we have a job that allows us to drink while we work,' so that helped us put these words t...

  You know it's a good week when real vampires get pissed off at fake vampires... or is it real fake vampires getting pissed at fake fake vampires?  Highs: We found our new favorite man-boy band. Our token Canadian helped us celebrate President's Day. So did Scanner Colleen. We lau...

  Okay, so maybe we did more than a little star fucking. One might even say we went overbaord.  Highs: We drooled (and debated) over some big beautiful women. We continued to hold out hope that our bearded man Joaquin Phoenix is a'ight. Even though he appears to be the opposite of a...

  We would like to thank the Crazy Baby Lady, Christian Bale, the cutter, Paula Deen and numerous others for making us feel a little more sane this week.  Highs: We had the best workout ever, well, considering we haven't had sex in months. When we finally do have sex, we'd like it ...