On tasty potato-and-grease-based snacks, again A couple of weeks ago, I asked for your suggestions for new flavours of potato crisps which might be used to kill Tottenham-playing jug-eared snack food shill Gary Lineker TO DEATH. I am pleased to tell you that our mission has been a complete 100% succ...

Oh, it’s on, you adorable, bewhiskered motherfucker: “I’m gonna turn Florida in right here in front of you,” Kiffin told the crowd at the Knoxville Convention Center. “As Nu’Keese was in the meeting, his phone kept ringing. One of the coaches says, ‘who̵...

Reporter: “Any further questions: what do you expect to see from the Sooners in terms of game management and strategy on Saturday?” Pinkel: “I’m gonna just be frank with you. I expect them to put sixty points worth of ungreased football schlong right into our outflow pipe, fr...

Handler One: Ralphie, that’s a good girl. Handler Two: Man, she’s flipping me out right now. Ralphie: Trample. Kill. Ram. Trample. Gore. Crush crush trample. Fear. Two legs everywhere. Trample them all. Desperate hunger for grass. Kill. Handler Three: We’ve got to go in two. Handle...

On taking part in the Scaryduck Fun Run of Certain Doom My charming kids are trying to have me killed. They are trying to kill me TO DEATH by putting my name down for a so-called 'fun run' organised by Dorchester Lions Club, where I am expected to run several miles, have fun, keel over with a heart ...

On squeaky bum time My 100 mile drive from Weymouth to Reading of a morning usually presents me with something to write for these pages. I use the two hours to sort out the contents of my brain, and nine times out of ten, something falls out that is suitable for public consumption. And so, managing ...

The debate over replacing the retiring Reveille VII (that prounounced “vaiiiii”) at Texas A&M has gotten quite spirited for a place priding itself on military traditions like order and swift decision-making. To wit: “I think Reveille VIII should be an American collie because i...