In this week's Star: hilarious and slightly depressing "gossip" from Levi Johnston's bitchy, MySpace-y sister Mercede! Do you care about the petty dramas of unwed teen parents in far-off Alaska? You do if it also involves Parallel Universe Vice President Sarah Palin, who ascended to the post of Empr...

Please let this be true. According to a barely literate MySpace message, Sarah Palin is snubbing the family of Levi Johnston, the jock who knocked up Bristol, because they're "white trash." (Not that we'd disagree.) The message was supposedly left by Mercede Johnston, Levi's 18-year-old sister, on t...

The mom of Levi Johnston—first daughter candidate Bristol Palin's uncomfortable jock boyfriend—has been arrested on drug charges. Law and order Republicans now support Obama! Because this sounds vaguely like a meth lab: "Troopers served the warrant at Johnston's home at the 'conclusion o...