newVideoPlayer("/BeatHer_Gawker.flv", 506, 423,"");The consummate professionals at the Fox & Friends morning show discussed Chris Brown and Rihanna's music careers this morning with all the sensitivity you've come to expect. Which is exactly none. Today, Steve Doocy made a joke and/or really shitty ...

newVideoPlayer("/mjthisisit.flv", 506, 423,""); Michael Jackson has just made a landmark announcement. He's broke, so he needs to go on tour. The press conference he staged was very odd—audio problems, mumbling, eerie Hitler-like gestures. News people were befuddled. "This Is It" is apparently...

newVideoPlayer("/Tony_Harris_JackO.flv", 506, 423,""); Michael Jackson is giving a press conference right now about some tour dates, and the CNN cameras decided to follow his bus as it sped toward the event. Only their anchors didn't give a shit. Tony Harris didn't even bother to get the name of the...

newVideoPlayer("/Catty_anchors.flv", 506, 423,""); All Contessa Brewer was trying to do was introduce a clip about a "gigantic gem." But her bitchy co-anchor Melissa Francis had to insult her, by implying she was conceited or something. Contessa was flummoxed. When Brewer set the clip up, there was ...

newVideoPlayer("/FoxnFriends_Simpsons.flv", 506, 423,""); Forget simple rational reasoning. The Fox & Friends crew can't even say a damn catchphrase right. When talking about The Simpsons this morning, Gretchen Carlson and friends did a long string of terrible "D'oh"s. Considering The Simpsons will ...

newVideoPlayer("/redeyetravis.flv", 506, 423,""); Last night Red Eye was talking about Travis the Chimp—who was shot and killed after eating a lady's face—wondering why his crazy owner spent so much time with him. One guest figured he was well-endowed....

newVideoPlayer("/Today_MattBrian2.flv", 506, 423,""); Not to be outdone by colleague Kathie Lee's same-sex flirtation, Today show host Matt Lauer invited NBC newsman Brian Williams on to cohost this morning. Chemistry and sexual-dynamism as palpable as Kathie's hatred for Hoda. The boys made blue ba...

The Stimulus Package: Obama signs it tomorrow and oh my freaking god, the cable networks will totally talk about it. CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC each have their own promo; they grow increasingly insane: newVideoPlayer("/Cooper_Stimulus.flv", 506, 423,""); CNN: The stimulus package: Is it a good deal fo...

newVideoPlayer("/hillaryadlibs.flv", 506, 423,"");Surrounded by friends for her Secretary of State swearing in, Hillary Clinton felt comfortable enough to thank husband Bill for a "lifetime of — all kinds of experiences," i.e. that intern slut. Everyone laughed because Hillary is obviously now...

The fourth hour of the Today Show is when Kathie Lee Gifford unhinges her jaw and swallows up airtime by abusing co-host Hoda Kobt and displaying sexual frustration. Two clips after the jump. newVideoPlayer("/KathieLeeHasNeeds.flv", 506, 423,""); First up, one of our devoted video interns, Daniel Ca...