"My parents would kill me if someone ate my brains." --Spider (Andy Dick) on The Ben Stiller Show (in a sketch called "Melrose Heights 90210-2402")...

"The new Pee Wee can beat anything, except a bum rap." --Jim Carrey as Pee Wee Herman on In Living Colour...

"Aw, you are so full of crap. You're five-feet-nothing. A hundred and nothing. And you've got hardly a speck of athletic ability. And you hung in with the best college football team in the land -- for two years. And......

"I have been awake for almost 60 hours. I'm tired and I'm dirty. I have been from Chicago to Paris to Dallas to... where the hell am I?... I am trying to get home to my eight-year-old son. And now......

''I could've eaten a box of Alpha-Bits and crapped a better interview.'' --Frank (Peter Boyle), after his son Ray (Ray Romano) has a disastrous talk-show appearance, on Everybody Loves Raymond...

"No, thanks. I have to get back to rehab.'' --Lucille Bluth (Jessica Walter), having handily beat that bitch Kitty in a drinking contest at Señor Tadpole's for the rights to George Sr.'s sperm sample, on Arrested Development. Press play below.......