OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- Sometimes the world spins, the floor rushes up from the bottom of the mosh pit, the ceiling blurs into fleshy hands and arms all around you, and you realize that, in that perfect quixotic moment, where you stand on every issue in the universe. Such a liberating experience, the o...

A RARE PROLOGUE "So what you're saying..." said the drunk undergrad earlier in the night,"is tha...if... if I was completely naked and all over you right now, you wouldn't fuck me... because I'm wasted?" "Exactly," I whispered back in her ear. "But you can call me when you're sober." "That's fucked ...

"I'm not drunk, I'm surreal sober. Now put that somewhere... wait... did somebody take my bra off?" - Recently minted Local U. alumna, On her last weekend in Oxford Yeah, we'll leave it at that. Fun first weekend back in ol' Oxford Fucking Ohio, really. And I can honestly say that I've never eaten a...

OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- Mark your calendars, because this doesn't happen too often. I ran into a situation this weekend so fucking batshit, so completely and utterly strange and drama-filled, that I'm not sure I'm able to find any words to describe it. Other than something like, Jesus H. Christ! Now th...

"God gave Americans two middle fingers to put up because, well, dammit, he knew our crooks would give us two political parties ." - VERY WISE OLD MAN, Oxford, Ohio While I will not endorse any presidential candidate, I will say that this one quote is the reason that I'm voting my conscience this yea...

OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- He fidgets with the brim of his ball cap. He's already readjusted his oversize basketball shorts four times in just over five minutes. Homeboy finally settles into his carefully maintained slovenly student image after staring at his reflection in the storefront, adjusting his sh...

PHOENIX (ZP) -- She sipped her wine as if the glass would burst at any second. Delicate, graceful sips. Too delicate, in fact, for an overpriced, low-grade airport bar Zinfandel. She said she loved it, at least the gesture of a young man buying her a drink after bumming her a cigarette in front of t...

OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- I'm a loner, a solitary man, a veritable 21st Century Libertine. Beyond that, well, I'm just one mean-ass nonconformist motherfucker, I do my own thing, and I'm little too out there , in my own special way, for most people. I make no bones about it, really. Life's meant to be fi...

Some nights it's just simpler to go home with a bottle of vodka than to go hook up with random guys. Like every Thursday through Saturday... huh... since September. - VIA DRUNKEN EMAIL Columbus, Ohio, April 22 No comment. Sounds like the perfect Buckeye Date, actually. * * * * Fuck me! Dad, guess wh...

Men think they're a'hunting women, because that's how their mamas raised 'em. It's the women a'fishing, catching, and releasing. - Ye Olde VirginiaFamily Proverb OXFORD, Ohio (ZP) -- It's rude, yes, to stare. Even if one is staring out of admiration, staring at something wondrous and beautiful and a...