• It comes in smooth and chunky: Jerome Bettis now has his own premium tequila. It's the perfect shot for drunk driving school bus drivers. [PSAMP] • Nice swing, Nancy: Today is the birthday of the batting tee—helping uncoordinated kids feel special for over six decades. [Star-Tribune] •...

• "The Reject Bench": That's where these poor ladies were sitting during "A Night With Lebron James," according to one partygoer. [Black Sports Online] • Things NASCAR team owners shouldn't do: 1.) Get charged with a DUI. [OnlineSportsGuys] • Did you know Matthew Berry was in 'Crocodile Dundee...

• It's science: A totally reliable scientific survey reveals that European soccer fans prefer to see their lady wear their favorite team's kit instead of lingerie in the sack. Actually, they would prefer to date Keeley Hazell, but this makes a better story. [Lion in Oil] • Take your time: Is thi...

• ...And she's 22: She's a senior at FIT, plays his voicemail messages to her friends, and asks him suggestions on how to get a "tighter butt." Total marriage material. [Sports Crackle Pop] • Kevin Blackistone is the "Sports Opinionist": Real Clear Sports interviews Fanhouse's other ATH yapper. ...

• Livin large: Another young man has his dreams fulfilled by getting to hang out with a 7'7" human oddity. [Gunaxin] • Call collect next time: A hapless Chicago fan rang up a $27,000 wireless bill trying to watch a Bears game online. Don't tell him the final score, he still hasn't seen the end y...

• Standing upright is for kids: Okay, now Alexander Ovechkin is just being a show off. [Two Line Pass] • Go team!: So you're saying it's not a good idea to pull major league pitchers out of spring training to pretend they care about their country for a couple weeks? Who could have seen that comi...

• Shaqawockee?: Holy cow, it's the weirdos from that Gatorade commercial! Oh, and I guess the 7-foot guy wearing a mask and doing the robot is interesting too. [Docksquad + BSO] • Who needs wins?: Hey, if Texas says they're the Big 12 Champs, then I guess they're the Big 12 Champs. [Red Dirt Kin...

• A victimless crime?: Two Southampton strikers are accused of attacking a man with their kebabs. No, I'm talking about the food. What are you talking about? [Sports Rubbish] • Uh-oh: Meanwhile, the Premier League discovers the "cease and desist." You don't want to know what kind of meat they're...

• What's this green stuff in my cereal?: Why isn't there a Philadelphia Phillies Wheaties Box? Because it's not a complete breakfast without Whiz. [Home Run Derby] • F- in the A-: You know where you can say fucking? Where ever Lance Armstrong is. (You just can't write it down.) [Examiner] • Te...

• Is that James Earl Jones in the bleachers?: Kevin Costner is setting up a minor league baseball team in Illinois. But I don't see any players. [Sun-Times] • Shoot. And I had the over: Dallas Academy loses! Dallas Academy loses! Hey, at least they scored this time. [Lewp] • Not a bad strategy...