The thing we like best about Dancing On Ice, other than the fact that it’s nearly over, is the weekly Torvill and Dean routine. Really, we honestly love it. It doesn’t matter what they do, Torvill and Dean always deliver. Like on Sunday’s show, for instance, Torvill and Dean’...

Before we start looking at today’s Dancing On Ice contestants, we really should applaud Torvill and Dean. Usually Torvill and Dean’s Dancing On Ice openings are flaccid displays of ego that just hold everything up and make the show five minutes longer than it needs to be. But not on Sund...

Look, we’ve been doing our best to ignore this, but it has become completely unavoidable, so here goes. The point of these Dancing On Ice rundowns is to profile each contestant throughout the week. All of them. Even the ones we don’t like. Even the ones who look like berserk Chucky dolls...

Ready for some more Dancing On Ice action? Don’t answer that, we know you’re not. We were being rhetorical. Anyway, now that Dancing On Ice has been going for a few weeks, we’re starting to see the required elements get harder and harder. On Sunday’s show, for example, the re...

Oh Dancing On Ice, how could you do this to us? First you get rid of Todd Carty and now Eller Hanley too? Ellery Hanley was voted off Dancing On Ice last night, and for a very good reason - although he could easily beat you in a fight, his ice skating is dreadful. To be fair, Ellery’s routine ...

Here it is again, the fourth and final installment of this week’s Dancing On Ice contestant rundowns. But before we get into any of that, did you know that both Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby are now on Twitter? It’s true, and it’s fuelled our desire to see Dancing On Ice co...

Oh, the Dancing On Ice midweek lull. How we hate you. Last week’s show is now fading from memory, and we still have over half a week before the next one begins. What will it bring? Who’ll skate well? Who’ll skate badly? What desperately pre-rehearsed facial expression will Skeletor...

If it’s Thursday, it means it’s our last Dancing On Ice rundown of the week. And we’ve saved the best for last. By ‘best’ we obviously mean ‘most likely to win’. Because, let’s be fair, they’re hardly the best examples of people, are they? A wood...

On Sunday night television Two words: Holly Willoughby. I know what you're thinking. He's going to bang on for five hundred words on the wonders of those peachy bazongas that can only be fully appreciated with the advent of 3-D television, any old excuse to reproduce THAT photograph. And you'd be KI...

This week, in a break from my traditional self-centred misanthropic festival of whining, here's an abridged version of the New Media Dictionary; a useful compendium of terms and definitions for the exciting world of modern mass communication. abbaration (abba-rayshun) n. Inexplicably successful West...