Pillowfights aren’t always sexy. We reserved a special pillow for Boy Scout camping trips: the Hammer. The Hammer was an ancient down pillow that had, over the course of decades, surrendered much of its fluff to the atmosphere, leaving the remainder as a sack of rock hard feather stems and ass...

Pissing outside is great. If you really want to make a woman jealous, just pee outside in front of her. She’ll likely say, AHHHHHHH WHO ARE YOU I’M CALLING THE COPS. But underneath the skeeved-out fright and cloud of pepper spray, what she’s really trying to say is “Gee, I wi...

The weather and cabin fever prior to spring practice can only be blamed for the psychobilly freakout that occurred this weekend in an active Fulmer Cup scoring session. The Big Board is updated and brought to you by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson. Incidents, clarifications, and rank...

In our focus on offseason conditioning around college football, we present Colorado’s infamous “Jack Palance 13,” a series of grueling workouts named after a baker’s dozen of Dan Hawkins’ favorite Western actor’s movies. Bloody Avenger Players scale a forty foot-t...

Chance Mock has all the timing. He came to Texas and lost the quarterback competition to Vince Young, who as Football Jesus ascended to the right hand of himself and won Texas a national title. Then, Chance Mock decided to go into finance just as shitty mortgage-backed securities and their subsequen...

It’s a national holiday and a drowsy news day besides—the kind of afternoon that makes you want to curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee and the Monday Bourdain marathon on the Travel Channel, and watch a large, ardently devoted online fanbase absolutely lose their shit. In marginall...

“I hope we’ve got the equipment to fit him.” Those were Dennis Franchione’s words when Texas A&M signed Kellen Heard, a defensive end prospect from Wharton High in Miami who signed with the ‘Canes, then ditched the ‘Canes to hang out on South Beach and take w...

Texas already has ten commitments for 2010, making them the football program most like your friend who has this all under control, has already applied for their car tags for the year, is quite sure of their retirement savings, and who loses no paperwork. This may explain the odd glee surrounding Mac...

Oh, you picky, picky bitches at the public editor’s desk. You first take away our beloved Jayson Blair; then you tell us tales of “girls romancing each other” may just be the unverified, undocumented, and possibly fictitious ramblings of an over-recruited college athlete. Orangeblo...

[SCENE: KELLY AND TODD'S HOUSE. Game night. They have invited JIM and BOB over for a game the whole family can enjoy because Trivial Pursuit is only fun for smart people.] Bob: So, how does this work? Kelly: Okay, Bob and Jim. In the fun-for-everyone game of Cranium, the final round is decided by on...