Al Franken! Norm Coleman! Who will win this epic battle for the Senate? And more importantly, who cares who will win this epic battle for the Senate? The answer is both sides, equally. This is why the Senate stalemate is so goddamned stale. A recent poll showed Minnesotans were statistically divided...

The GM-owned German car maker Opel is looking for a bailout from the German government, and looks unlikely to get it because they apparently submitted what amounted to a glossy brochure to the government instead of a serious restructuring plan. [BBC News] Chinese leaders suggested that their economy...

Man, remember back in the Democratic primaries — which were still going on at this time last year — and all the terrible jokes and speculation about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton having angry anger sex all the time? What was up with that, huh? It’s like the notion of having both...

Last year the Republican National Committee redefined humor forever with their amazing Valentine’s Day cards. These cards showcased Democratic sexpots Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton imploring voters to have sex with them, constantly, and also raise taxes. This year, they have taken things on...

Director of National Intelligence Dennis Blair says that restless poors around the world now present a greater threat to United States security than terrorists. [Washington Post] Abraham Lincoln turned 200 years young yesterday, which you already knew when Obama appointed him Commerce Secretary. [Ge...

Man remember back when there was this thing called “the dole,” and you could live on it forever while you traveled the country on freight trains, singing hobo medleys and strumming on a banjo? All that changed when Ronald Reagan came to office and cracked down on Welfare Queens, with the...

Aaargh NUMBERS ARE CONFUSING. This morning we have two (2) bits of information regarding what will happen to America’s fabulously wealthy Wall Street executives if and when the stimulus bill becomes a law. But it is sort of complicated, and who knows, these provisions seem to change by the hou...

Seven suicide bombers stormed two Afghan government buildings in Kabul, killing 11 victims. (Or maybe 19.) [UPI] Optimistic Democratic lawmakers say they might have a final version of the stimulus bill by today. [CNN] In an obvious sop to geriatric viewers, a relatively ancient old spaniel won the W...

Well, third time’s a charm! Finally, one of you people out of the several hundred MILLION worldwide who claim to be Obama supporters held an actual “talk about our nation’s ruined economy” party, complete with a creepy guest appearance by Tim Kaine’s eyebrow. Wonkette h...

Well, America, this is what you get when you elect a COLLEGE PROFESSOR for president: a person who actually responds to questions, in occasionally exhaustive detail, with topic sentences and conclusions. Kinda weird, huh? But just wait till he finishes up and tries to leave the room through a locked...